I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
