Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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