On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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