she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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