so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
