Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
