Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
