I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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