I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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