they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
