none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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