even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
