Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
