College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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