Your face is a jimmy john
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
