The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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