i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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