I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
