I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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