exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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