She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize