I wanna bring you to show and tell
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
