Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
