I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
