Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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