Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
