I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My hand turned me down
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
