So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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