Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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