You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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