So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize