It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
