Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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