I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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