You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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