oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize