Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize