I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
