just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
