There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
