I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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