let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
