peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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