Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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