Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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