The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
