Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
