You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
