Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
