Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
