Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
