VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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