He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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