my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
