she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
