Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
