It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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