I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the condom got lost in my hair
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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