: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize