Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
