life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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