so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
