yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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