Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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