After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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