So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
