do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
