i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Randomize
