her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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