Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize