I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
