I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
