If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
