My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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