My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
