How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dicks are not precious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize