yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
