eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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