I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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