The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
