god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
