Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
