I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
