"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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