honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
