Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
