Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
