1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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