I'm lost and stupid without you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
