All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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