omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
