its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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