You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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