i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
