She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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