Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
