Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's blow job season.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize