Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
