woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
