Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
