he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
