Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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